Day 8/9

Day 8:  
Weight:  140

A bad day for the diet.  One week and I already am making excuses for myself on why it isn't a big deal if I get something that is not good for me.  One week.  Man, I wanted to make sure that I could go 30 days.  To prove to myself that I have willpower.  What I ate, you ask?  Well, I didn't have plans for dinner, so I decided to take out some ground turkey from the freezer and have turkey burgers.  Quick side note:  Why is it called "ham"burgers when it is not made of ham?  Yet if I were to have turkey, it would be called "turkey"burger.  In fact, I don't think I've ever had a literal "ham"burger, just your tradition beef burger.  Another thing, why is hamburger one word when turkey burger is two?  Okay, thought of the day... back to the diet.

I was going to have my "turkey" burger with out the bun and lot of vegetables.  Maybe this should be called a "garden burger".  He he.  Oh man, I wish Matt was awake to force laugh with me.  Okay... seriously now (geez, here I am trying to inspire people to stay dedicated to their workouts and keep focus on diets and I can't even make it through this blog.  Just imagine what God must think when I pray to him.  I'm all over the place!)  Now I'm talking about God!  Focus, focus, focus.

When it came to it, I saw in my freezer, staring at me, some big, golden, challah hamburger buns.  Oh my, they are so delicious.  This diet I am not supposed to eat white flour.  Only whole wheat.  So I asked Matt (who is supposed to be supporting me on this diet by doing it with me), "What type of bun do you want?  Challah, whole wheat, bread, nothing?"  And do you know what he says?!  He says, "Do you really need to ask?  Challah of course!"  That was it.  I didn't say how much I was trying to fight it and I need his help.  Instead I thought to myself so he wouldn't know the turmoil I was going through, debating back and forth if I should have some, or maybe half, a little won't hurt, right?

What do I do?  I pull out 3 buns.  One for Matt, 1/2 for me, 1/2 for Jordan, and 1 for Matt for lunch the next day.

What really happened?  I pulled out 3 buns.  One for Matt, 1.25 for me (I ate some of Jordan's), and .75 for Jordan.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have very little willpower.  And it was so deceptive too.  I would quickly sneak a bit before anyone saw me.  It was everything I was hoping it would be.  Delicious.  But afterwards, I felt awful.  I was, am,  disappointed in myself.  I know a lot of you might think, "you're doing great... this was only once... it isn't that big of deal".  That is sweet of you to think that, but it is a big deal.  I wanted to make it 30 days with no giving in.  I wanted to show myself I could do it.  But I didn't.  I won't give up, I'll keep going.  It just sucks.  That is two days in a row of going off the diet.  Not a good thing.  Because once I start making excuses for myself once, I'll do it again and it will be easier.  After I do it a second time, it will be even easier and I'll likely do it again.  And again.  And again.  And again.  You get my point.  I need to stay focused (obviously by reading this email you can see that is damn near impossible).

Day 9:
Weight:  142 (thanks Challah)

Did good.  Good food, good workout.  Now for bed (spent too much time on day 8 that it is past my bedtime).